My Words are Thus...

  1. A Chronicle of Experience Begins

    So much has happened in my life in the past month or so. I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl on the 3rd, Alice Loreea McNay. She weighed in at 7lbs 15 oz, and 21 inches long, she had a head full of hair and lungs like her mamas. She also had a few little surprises for us that turned my whole world upside down (again, because she did that when she was born). We stayed in Blessing Hospital from Friday until Sunday, and had a follow up appointment with her pediatrician on Tuesday because she was a little jaundice. Tuesday rolls around and we go, have the blood drawn, and when the results come back we get a call, they want to take an ultrasound of her liver and do some more blood tests. So we had the ultrasound on Tuesday evening and the blood work done first thing Wednesday morning. Three hours later, we got another call, we needed to go to St. Louis Children’s Hospital to see a specialist. As you can imagine, I as a new mom, am so scared that I can barely think.

     We spent the first week at St. Louis Children’s meeting what seemed like hundreds of doctors (it was actually around 20 all told) and watching as they poked, drew blood, spinal fluid, took mris and ultrasounds to find out what was wrong with our little girl. Finally, we got an answer, she had two blood infections, one Group B Strep she got during birth and the other CMV she contracted in the womb. We spent the next 14 days dealing with IV problems and picc lines while she received her treatment before we were discharged on the 23rd of December, two days before Christmas and she was only 20 days old. Let me tell you, that feels like years when you are in the hospital with your child.

    We’ve been home for just over a week now. After several delays we got her medications at the pharmacy and she is doing fine. :) We got to spend Christmas at home with our little angel :) That’s the silver lining. We have a long road ahead of us, but it is a road with hope. I can’t begin to tell you how lucky we were that our doctor ordered the tests she did and caught the things she caught. It has had a profound effect on me.

    The rest of my life will never be the same as it was, and every precious minute is one I will cherish even as the ones the drive me to the limit of my patience and knowledge.

    She is worth it all:

    three weeks old

  2. zombify: what a lol ! theinevitablezombieapocalypse: The Walking Dead Cat Lola

    zombify:

    what a lol !

    theinevitablezombieapocalypse:

    The Walking Dead Cat

    Lola

  3. Things I Used to Say

    I used to say I wanted fame

    But then I lost my privacy

    I used to say I wanted love

    Until it ripped a hole in me

    I used to say I had no fears

    And now I’m so afraid

    I used to say I wanted success

    Then I learned the price I’d have to pay

    I used to say it would all get better

    But that was just a lie

    I used to say I’m doing great

    Now it’s just I’m fine

    I used to say I wanted adventure

    These days I keep it to myself

    I used to say what was on my mind

    Lately I leave my thoughts on the shelf

    I used to believe in that fairy tale

    Now, I don’t know what to think

    I used to have high expectations

    As of today, I don’t expect anything

  4. thedailywhat: Google Doodle of the Day: Google’s latest doodle marks the 115th anniversary of Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen’s discovery of X-rays — a form of electromagnetic radiation that allowed man to peer into himself for the first time to see that hamster he stuffed up his bum thinking God knows what. [google.]

    thedailywhat:

    Google Doodle of the Day: Google’s latest doodle marks the 115th anniversary of Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen’s discovery of X-rays — a form of electromagnetic radiation that allowed man to peer into himself for the first time to see that hamster he stuffed up his bum thinking God knows what.

    [google.]

    (Source: thedailywhat)

  5. I always want something above where the bar is set…

    and I’m always disappointed. This results in making other people feel bad. You’d think I would know better by now.

  6. Living through giving up

    It’s a strange feeling. To keep going in a situation where basically all hope has been stolen from me. Sheer will and determination to make it work are the only things I have to hold on to. How do you keep moving, keep going, keep smiling. To keep working for the dream goal, when I don’t even want to be touched?

  7. ecmooremusic: (I tried to put this on your page but I don’t think you have your ask box or reply activated? I couldnt figure either one out…) I totally did NOT mean to offend anyone when I said overweight. And saying “overweight” was being polite, honestly. The girls I was referring to are at least close to 300 pounds and I’m NOT just saying that to make you feel better. I literally was shocked at the amount of larger people in my class. I feel like anything I say on this subject is just going to dig the hole deeper, but please don’t think that I am some snooty bitch who thinks less of anyone who is not 110 and fit as a fiddle. I am really unhealthy, though I may not look it (internal health problems) but weight has never been an issue for me. I take for granted what I have and just don’t understand how someone could let themself get to 300 pounds (or larger in some cases). I really didn’t mean to offend or start a fight or anything like that. And I still think that ANYONE can be beautiful. Even if they’re a thousand pounds. (Is that even possible?) Sometimes I say shit that I shouldn’t say. It’s a blog. I tend to not filter. I’m sorry :( You know me well enough to know that I’m not that shallow, I hope! I shouldn’t post offensive stuff like that, it’s true. But Tumblr is like my diary, as bad as that sounds, and I post what I’m thinking, jsut like everyone else does. I should have thought about how someone else would feel reading it. Again, I didn’t mean to offend you or anyone. I hope you know that. **sticking sock in mouth now…** I feel embarrassed. So. I read your blog and I just have to say that there was NOTHING offensive about the way you worded anything. Some people are just hyper sensitive and that should not sensor you. It’s not like you went on and on about fat rolls or compared them to whales. I myself am overweight, but definitely not fat (even when I am not pregnant). I hate it when you let other people dictate how you are allowed to express yourself. Seriously, it makes me angry that one persons snide (and much ruder) comment can make you embarrassed for speaking the truth in your mind.

    ecmooremusic:

    (I tried to put this on your page but I don’t think you have your ask box or reply activated? I couldnt figure either one out…)

    I totally did NOT mean to offend anyone when I said overweight. And saying “overweight” was being polite, honestly. The girls I was referring to are at least close to 300 pounds and I’m NOT just saying that to make you feel better. I literally was shocked at the amount of larger people in my class. I feel like anything I say on this subject is just going to dig the hole deeper, but please don’t think that I am some snooty bitch who thinks less of anyone who is not 110 and fit as a fiddle. I am really unhealthy, though I may not look it (internal health problems) but weight has never been an issue for me. I take for granted what I have and just don’t understand how someone could let themself get to 300 pounds (or larger in some cases). I really didn’t mean to offend or start a fight or anything like that.

    And I still think that ANYONE can be beautiful. Even if they’re a thousand pounds. (Is that even possible?) Sometimes I say shit that I shouldn’t say. It’s a blog. I tend to not filter. I’m sorry :(

    You know me well enough to know that I’m not that shallow, I hope!

    I shouldn’t post offensive stuff like that, it’s true. But Tumblr is like my diary, as bad as that sounds, and I post what I’m thinking, jsut like everyone else does. I should have thought about how someone else would feel reading it.

    Again, I didn’t mean to offend you or anyone. I hope you know that.

    **sticking sock in mouth now…**

    I feel embarrassed.

    So. I read your blog and I just have to say that there was NOTHING offensive about the way you worded anything. Some people are just hyper sensitive and that should not sensor you. It’s not like you went on and on about fat rolls or compared them to whales. I myself am overweight, but definitely not fat (even when I am not pregnant). I hate it when you let other people dictate how you are allowed to express yourself. Seriously, it makes me angry that one persons snide (and much ruder) comment can make you embarrassed for speaking the truth in your mind.

  8. I’m fighting the urge to hit my knees and beg you to let me be the person you come home to. It kills me that you don’t want me there, that you don’t miss me the way I miss you. I look around at all the empty space and wish for your presence to fill it. But you don’t want to. I know that, because if you really wanted to. You would.

  9. thedailywhat: Cute Animals Being Cute of the Day: In a Lion King-esque display of affection, Bob the Meerkat snuggles up to Zinzi the Lioness at the home of Predator World safari owner Marcel Tournier. [telegraph.]

    thedailywhat:

    Cute Animals Being Cute of the Day: In a Lion King-esque display of affection, Bob the Meerkat snuggles up to Zinzi the Lioness at the home of Predator World safari owner Marcel Tournier.

    [telegraph.]

    (Source: thedailywhat)

  10. emilywelch: Weird.. I thought this was Jon Foreman for a minute..  They could definitely be related.. seriously, look at this picture.. treetopdreams: Sons of Anarchy Wallpaper Having my own SOA marathon at work. Have I mentioned that this man is unbelievably sexy?  Emily, I had NO idea you liked SOA. I LOVE THAT SHOW! and Charlie Hunnam, is not gay. Baseless rumor. He is also very sexy in Green Street Hooligans, if you haven’t seen it, you should.

    emilywelch:

    Weird.. I thought this was Jon Foreman for a minute..  They could definitely be related..

    seriously, look at this picture..

    treetopdreams:

    Sons of Anarchy Wallpaper

    Having my own SOA marathon at work. Have I mentioned that this man is unbelievably sexy? 

    Emily, I had NO idea you liked SOA. I LOVE THAT SHOW!

    and Charlie Hunnam, is not gay. Baseless rumor. He is also very sexy in Green Street Hooligans, if you haven’t seen it, you should.

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